all the pretty ghosts
Some days ago, I met my “ghost from the past”….
I’ve been avoiding that moment for years, yet always imagining about a meeting with him, in a situation i made to please myself. Mostly I would imagine myself walking with some beautiful smart gorgeous bla..bla…guy, when i accidently bump into him in some mall or anything. And acted like… soooo happy, and cheerful and no sign of a heart ever broken. (a stupid cliche!)
That of course never happend….
What happend is, I spotted his wife in a public place, and knew that he is there somewhere…
It’s like………… i stop breathing for a few minutes, watch out… flood is comiiiing!!!
I knew I’m about to see him very soon, I knew I’m not ready, I knew I’m not looking pretty enough, I knew I’m not with a beautiful smart gorgeous bla..bla.. guy, and I KNEW…. I’m not a happy person right now!
And I can’t run away from this anyway…… so I just hold my breath… and he say “Hi……….Ra”
I turn around, and there he is…… a pretty ghost with great smile, and a wife…… and a baby……….
what a day……! i should just kill myself this morning.
hehehe…. just being hiperbolic.
We did have a very normal conversation, I don’t choke or running out of breath (well.. almost :D)
I even play with his baby……. (never on earth did i imagine this will happend), then we parted….
and the flood rushing out of my chest right away …………………………………………………phewwwww.
“That is The Guy?” my friend asked. “Yup”
“What’s so great about him…..”biasa aja”……?”
“I know……”
Sometimes you can get too obsessed with someone, that you can’t even tell anymore what’s so great about him in the first place.
And then you start comparing the other guys with him…and no one could ever be good enough.
I asked myself sometimes……. “Girl, what do you really wants?”
I kept thinking of being with B, when I’m with A. And when I’m not with him anymore…….I’m thinking of being with A, when I’m starting to get close with C.
Am I screwed or what?
I think it have something to do with my “ghost from the past”, but…… I don’t really know how to fix it.
Maybe I need to meet “Ghost from the future” first.
A very gorgeous one please……. 
